Hunting...for jobs.

About two weeks ago I began my job search in Denver. My goal was to get a job waiting tables at decent restaurant, but I had no idea where to begin. I called a friend of mine, the chef at Buca D'Italia, and explained my situation. He made a few calls and told me where I should apply. When I asked about my lack of experience (that would be NO experience), he told me to "make it up. No one ever calls references - you'll be fine."

Later that night, I spent about 10 minutes building a bare-bones, real-but-fake resume. I tried to follow my uncle's advice (given during a night of vodka shots) and "anchor the lies to some truth," in order to keep things straight in my mind. I didn't go in to depth with anything, didn't list any phone numbers, names of supervisors, or dates worked (outside of listing the year). I decided to use the names of real restaurants in towns where I'd worked, hoping to stay on track. The next day I handed out 7 or 8 of these resumes.

Probably because my resumes sucked so much, only one restaurant called me for an interview. When I arrived, I met with the owner, and the first thing she said was that she knew the restaurant I'd listed from Napa. Wow, what a great way to get things rolling. The short remainder of the interview consisted of her asking questions exposing my lack of food knowledge, and probably my lack of any knowledge regarding food service outside of my days at mcdonalds in omaha 10 years ago. How could I have known that "caramelizing" an onion didn't involve caramel?

I also filled out an application at C B & Potts, a local restaurant chain serving moderately priced entrees. Things were going well - they only wanted two previous jobs, so I gave them real ones, and they only asked for the number of years experience at certain food-service-related positions. However, I was tired, and at the end of a long day, and some of my answers to their "personality" questions may have waivered a bit. For example, one question asked, "Does the word 'merchandizing' mean anything to you?" I responded, "It sounds corporate." And another question asked, "Please comment on a recent personal triumph or achievement." I don't know if I just couldn't stand to not lie on an application, but I responded, "I am most proud of my recent winnings on a three-way parlay bet with the steelers winning the super bowl. seriously."

I have yet to hear from C B & Potts. I will call today.

Other notes from the weekend...

-Big city burrito (the original) is still the best thing going.
-Free beer almost always tastes better than not-free beer.
-Pugs do not have discriminating taste.
-Cigars make me smell bad for about 48 hours. A shower cuts the residual odor by 75%.
-Finally, "The more things change..."