Living with notes.

For those of you who don't know, I live with two sixty year old women. The owner is a co-worker of a friend of a friend. She's taken me on as a renter because she needs a couple extra bucks these days. She's nice enough, but she's also OCD and passive/aggressive. She has this habit of leaving notes around the house, notes which are not addressed to anyone (as if anyone else would be here, reading these notes). I will give some examples:

On the toaster oven ( 2 notes ): "Please reset toaster after using oven."
Simple enough, but why the hell can't you do this on your own? I managed to turn it to "oven," and you're too lazy/old/stupid to turn it back? Give me a break.

Also on toaster oven: "Make sure bread is over sensor in center of oven. Thanks."
Oooooooooooh. That's how it works.

On the kitchen table: "Please reopen the blinds and slide the chair back under when you finish eating. Thanks, Cheri."
Directions for using a table. Very helpful.

On the dishwasher: "To use, select 'water-saver' and 'no-heat dry'."
Again, very helpful.

On the computer: "This computer is OFF LIMITS. Thank you."
What makes you think I want to use your Tandy brand, Windows '95, no-internet, piece-of-shit computer? Step back and ask yourself that question. Then ask if the note is still necessary.

On her bedroom door: "Cheri's bedroom is OFF LIMITS when she is not home."
Give me a break. You're sixty, and I live in the basement. What could you possibly have in your room of any interest to me? Also, I'm not five years old. Grow up.

On the bathroom door: "Please re-open door if it was open after using bathroom."
Is this a joke?

One time on the counter: "Can we meet to talk about refrigerator space on Saturday morning. My food is freezing."
Sure, but how are the two connected? The refrigerator has a thermostat, which is like a thermometer to control the temperature. When the inside is cold, the cold-maker slows down. Adding food does not cause the level of cold to grow. If your food is freezing, turn the little knob with numbers in the direction of the word "warmer."

The other woman who lives here is a friend of the owner who has fallen upon hard times, financially. She has no job, two "rescued" cats, and leaves the house only once or twice a week. Sometimes when I come home, she'll be making food and ask me "how's the weather?" Sometimes I say sunny. Or maybe cold. Or maybe you should replace your slippers with shoes and walk outside. Do I look like your weatherman?

You ask, why do I live here? Well, for $200 a month, I get a furnished bedroom in the basement, complete with TV, bed, and dresser. I also get garage space and we live on a lake. I'm 5 minutes from the interstate, and 15 from downtown. I take care of things at home during the day, when the cat lady is in her room and Cheri is at work, and I leave at night. And this situation is MUCH better than my last two roommates...