Points of reference: my previous roommates.

My first blog hasn't cast my current roommates in the best light - rightfully so, they are strange. However, by reviewing the highlights (I suppose lowlights would be better...) of some of my previous roommates, you may better understand why life isn't so bad. Because I may have inadvertantly emailed the link to this blog to some of said previous roommates, I will change their names to prevent further embarrassment and/or me getting my ass kicked later.

California: In Napa I lived with Bernice. She seemed nice enough. Forty five minutes after moving in, she let me touch her boobs (they were fake, it's not as bad as it sounds, trust me). I should have taken this as a warning.

Cooking dinner after work one night, I slowly became concious of a rhythmic sound I realized was a bed hitting a wall. At first I tried to deny that this was actually happening, but walking up stairs, other sounds confirmed my suspicians. This pattern repeated itself multiple times with 2 or 3 other guys during my stay in Napa. Often, Bernice and ______ would walk in the door, head up stairs, make the bed hit the wall, and then about 10 minutes after entering, he'd leave and she'd step outside to smoke a cigarette. As a note, 2 of the guys were roomates who lived 2 doors down. And yes, to the best of my knowledge, they knew they were each sleeping with Bernice.

As I alluded to above, Bernice smoked cigarettes. While she had some moral qualm with smoking them inside, the same cannot be said for her marijuana habit. The same guys who lived 2 doors down also dealt pot (I'm not insinuating anything here) - and I dont mean small amounts. They were licensed "care givers" in california, which means they had doctor issued cards stating they were only growing pot for "cannabis-card" holders, those with pain only pot can heal. All I'll say is that more than once I'd find pot in a cabinet, or in the bathroom, or on the coffee table, or in the kitchen, or next to the vacuum, and I was often awakened by the amount of smoke permeating the entire apartment (so much so that she'd deactivated the smoke detectors)... there was enough pot in our apartment to send us both to prison for a long, long time. and I don't think she paid for any of it (well, not with money, anyway).

speaking of prison, while I was living there, one of her friends went to san quinten for 18-25 years after being convicted of attempted murder, and another for possession of 2 lbs of pot.

Finally, one night I was sleeping when I was awakened by loud yelling, and someone saying "call Bernice and tell her to get that dude roommate out here, we're going to kick his ass!" Seems the guys from 2 doors down had gotten stoned with some friends, then smoked some meth, and really wanted to fight someone. lucky I was so close. at this point it's 2am and they're banging on the front door. I think it might break down, so I'm trying to think of somewhere to hide so 5 guys don't beat me to death if they come in. it occurred to me that the back door is not usually locked, and that I should check it. about 5 minutes after locking the door, they jumped the back fence and preceded to pound on that door, too. the whole thing ended when they decided to drive somewhere at 2:15. and after 20 minutes passed and my heart rate dropped back below 100, I fell back asleep.

Idaho: My roommate inTwin Falls, Gustavus, liked to drink. Some might say he had a problem with alcohol. At least 12 times last summer, Gustavus, who was about 6'4" and 235 lbs., drank enough to pass out and urinate repeatedly on the floor. see, we both slept on the floor because we never bought beds. so it's not like he stood up and peed in the corner, mistaking it for a toilet. I mean he just started peeing on the floor, between his legs, like a dog, all while very asleep. Sometimes this would wake me up, causing me to become nauseated, and I would sleep on the floor in the living room. Upon reentering the room in the moring, Gustavus would asked, "why were you in the living room?" I'd respond, "well, it was a little awkward when you started peeing on yourself last night, so I left." he then tried to play it off like an accident (which I hoped was true), but the next 11 incidences dispelled that notion.

Alaska: Leon was a character. His favorite passtime was drinking lots of alcohol and going "hogging." his favorite slogan was, "go big early," which he based on the idea that fat girls aren't as thankful if you don't give them attention early in the night. the summer of 2004 provided leon with a high "snout count." and honestly, I don't care about what leon does as long as leon doesn't bother me. but leon liked to bring the girls back to our apartment. he also encouraged them to be "loud." many more times that summer leon woke the rest of the roommates with his exploits, and after the first incident, it no longer provided humor.

that said, my current roommates are relatively benign.